Words By S.

Tuesday, 5 February 2008

Artist Chasing.

Filed under: Ramblings,Relationships — S @ 7:58 pm

When I was in my teens, I only wanted to be involved with artistic men.  I repeatedly went after artists, actors, musicians, writers… Any sort of artistic expression served as an aphrodisiac for me.

I then started to date a writer.

In my naivety,  I thought we would have the deepest possible connection.  In my fantasies of artistic men, we would spend hours discussing components of their crafts and the important figures.  This writer and I, we would discuss the best writers and books.

In reality, all we had in common was sex.  I hated everything about him before too long, and when I broke it off with him, he cried and I hated him even more.  And, before long, I went after my next artistic conquest.

Until recently, I could never figure out why artistic men were such a draw for me.

One drunken Halloween night in college, I met a drunken Dylan Thomas.  I forget what I was – perhaps that was the year my friend and I went around handcuffed  as thieves.  This drunken Dylan Thomas putting on a fake accent was the most beautiful man I’d seen, in person, in a very long time.  I couldn’t quite figure out what it was that was drawing me to him so, aside from his amazing looks, height, and talent for faking accents.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago.  I attended an amazing poetry reading put on by some friends of mine.  The Dylan Thomas was there, less drunk, and accent-less, but still very striking.

He’s an amazing poet.

Years later and the draw that I thought went away remains.  I now, however, realized that when I was in my adolescence, I wanted to be a muse.

I sometimes, even now, sit and fantasize of how awesome it would be to have the idea of myself immortalized in someone’s craft.

Now, ten years later, I no longer actively seek out those artistic types.  I hate actors.  I’m friends with poets and writers.  I, myself, was a bit of a musician.  Ten years have passed and now, my only goal to is to find someone with less baggage than I have.

Funny how those things change.

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